Limericks
A lim'rick's not hard to define
But it needs to do more than just rhyme
It's the meter that matters
the pitters and patters
If not, you're just wasting my time
-Fred Hornaday
Bangalore Ballads
1
Old Colonel Martin D’Mello
Is usually a jolly good fellow
But It takes two chotta pegs
And a fine set of legs
To make him nice and mellow
3
Vijay the old advertising writer
Is a very predictable blighter
At Pecos he sits
With his beer and titbits
In the company of his ‘Kings’ and his lighter
5
Ram Singh the neighbourhood Gurkha
Is married to Shameem with a burkha
He’ll work through the night
And come home back home ‘tight’
And she’ll yell “ Thooo you Bewarsi Kudka”
Afzal from Shivajinagar.
Sells all things to do with Rubber.
From wipers to tyres,
He has all kinds of buyers,
Even old condoms for filthy buggers.
7
2
Says Aunt May sipping her drink
I’m quite the catch, don’t you think
I need a young man
With cash in the can
A dodgy heart and a Grandmother kink
4
Nagraj the cop on the beat
Is someone you don’t want to meet
He’ll book you anyway
Unless you will pay
For his mistress who lives down the street
6
Lakshamma’s business is simple
She sells her flowers at the temple
An’ The church and the mosque
At the very same cost
If you ask me, she sets a good example
8
A randy young man called Paul,
Chose to marry an inflatable doll.
But alas one night,
He filled it too tight,
Now he's waiting for the doctor to call.
Malayalee Meter
1
Jose the Achayan sat drinking
And all the while he kept thinking
About the maid up the tree,
Till he saw Ammachi.
And then what was growing, started shrinking.
2
Shiju the Gulf-returned Mallu
Often wore his ‘mundu’ askew
When he climbed trees
He enjoyed the breeze
And everyone else enjoyed the view
Miscellany
There was a man from Kalimpong.
Who said "I know it'quite wrong,
But I do it anyway,
No matter what they say,
Cos I like to rub things with my Dong."
A sadist and a masochist on a jaunt,
Got talking 'bout the things they want.
"Hit me!"he said,
As she tied him in bed,
She smiled "It's more fun if I don't."